Friday, November 19, 2010

Chiefs Rally to Stop Hooligans in OT

The Brooklyn Chiefs got their first win of the season last night in overtime as they downed the Hooligans 3-2 in overtime. Rob Rossicone scored on a backhand move to the net after a deft feed from the team's leading scorer Rob Moloney just a minute in to the three on three extra time session. Goaltender Joshua Bee had a shaky start, but had a very strong thrid period to keep the Chiefs in it for their first victory of the new season.

"There are only so many ways I can say sorry," said the enigmatic goaltender as his teammates mobbed him and told him to shut the fuck up already. This was Bee's first victory since rejoining the team after a lengthy Marty McSorley-like suspension for a confrontation with an official last season. "I'm a pretty patient man," Josh said, "but when someone says something about my large Hasidic fanbase, I go bezerk." Its widely rumoured that the official in question doubted the validity to claims that Josh is an actual rabbi. "I went to yeshiva my whole life," claimed the Puerto Rican turned Israeli. "For him to question my knowledge of the Torah was unacceptable, especiallt when all of my congregants were there watching."

Rossicone's mind was on other things however, as despite scoring the winning goal, he talked to reporters in a sullen tone. "Yea, great goal, great play by Robbie in the corner to get me the puck, but thats just a game man, there are more important things in life," he said. When pressed it finally came out of him, "I don't think its possible to imagine the way I feel right now," a close to tears Rossicone elaborated. "There was this guy on the other team, who had a beard like me. What the fuck? I thought I had cornered the market on facial hair in this league, and then this guy shows up. Mine even has its own facebook page for Chrissakes!"

Rossicone wasn't the only one upset after the victory. "Do you believe they thought they knew more about science and shit than me?" said hulking defenseman Billy Moloney, older brother of speedy forward Rob. "I asked them where their Masters in Physics was from," proudly prolaimed Moloney as he whipped out his degree from the University of Florida. "They said that if we waited, the rain on the rink would dry. I simply pointed out to them that the combination of the temperature, air pressure, and wind speed velocity was no where near where it needed to be for the droplets to evaporate off the slick surface," said the brainiac blue liner, referring to the 7 minute rain delay late in the third period. "Damn it, its hockey, if I learned two things in my Master's program, its that there's no crying in baseball, there's no rain delays in hockey, and Tim Teebow is my hero-praise be Jesus Christ." Younger brother Rob interjected, "That's three dude," which bought him a slap in the back of the head from big brother Bill.

The Chief goals came early in the first and late in the second period by Rob Moloney. His first goal was a quick one, and one the Chiefs needed to help erase the memory of their opening night 8-1 loss. Moloney took a feed from new team captain Rossicone from behind the net and buried a shot past the Hooligan's goaltender after a great shift with newly signed winger Gary Cliff. "Its great playing with those guys," said Cliff, no relation to the nutrition bar. "When my agent rang me and said they were interested, I shit my pants with excitement. But then I realized, I had shit my pants a few hours earlier," said the writer/hockey player. "I mean, what kind of writer would I be, if I didn't shit my pants at least twice a week. Well, that day was a great one," he said looking back in his mind's eye on the day he got the call. Look for his latest work of short stories on shelves or online at

The second tally came late in the second after a great solo effort by Rob Moloney . "I was tired," said the junior Moloney brother. "Imagine if it were you running in marathons, and running away from the fiends who chase me for listening to country music. So I like Taylor Swift? Who doesn't. I'm not less of a man for admitting it, am I?" he said, as he got another slap from older brother Billy.

It was a good win for the rough and tumble crew for their first points of the year.

Greg Donahue was trying out new boots for NASA's next moon landing expedition. "They felt good, you know, but slow. One small stride for man, one great skate for mankind." he proudly proclaimed.

Bobby the Gopher was up to his digging best in the third, as he briefly forgot where he was, and tried burrowing out of the far right corner of the rink late in the third. "I just lost my mind for a minute," Bobby said as he feasted on a dirty carrot. "I don't know what came over me."

In injury news, Winger Paul Testagrossa needed to be rushed out, before the moon fully shone on him, turning him into the wolfman, and team socialite Joe Domante went on the party IR with multiple injuries. "Being an athlete is tough, it really cuts into your social life, like a puck cuts into nose flesh," claimed the suave winger. " I think I just need a few hours rest. Can't party all the time, party all the time, party all the time, no matter how much I like the song."

Lets hope the party continues for the Chiefs next Saturday when they have a matinee contest at 3:45.

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